Difficult Times – Hm Shall I Force Myself To Laugh???

Terrible news all around, 24/7 and with no end inside. Unfortunately, many people tend to spiral into a black hole after being bombarded by bad news in the media, forgetting that they have ample resources within themselves and in their immediate surroundings that will help them see things in perspective.

I wrote and continue to write about these kind of resources to remind myself and you not to forget about them. Remember the article Here Is Why A Faked Smile Is Good For You? This article reported on new research about how we can manipulate the brain to make us feel good although our smile is only a fake?

What about booking a class for Laughter Therapy? The guys in this video seem to enjoy it and they make me laugh only by looking at them. I’m not quite sure though if it’s hearing and seeing them laughing or me thinking they are complete nutters:-)

Positive Psychology: When It’s Time To Move On From A Set Goal

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You had grand plans and started to work towards them only to realize at a later stage that it is no longer a path worth following.

Here are some tips on how to move on from targets that are no longer relevant:

• Things change. A goal set at any given time may no longer be useful, beneficial or worthy later, so don’t feel that you’re to blame i you don’t feel the same way.
• Identify the physical, emotional, practical benefits of quitting. Don’t just look at how you feel now, or how you’ll feel immediately after you’ve quit. Sometimes thinking about the long term can provide vital inspiration.
• Replacing old goals with new ones may help counteract a sense of loss. If you’ve decided your old dream of running a bakery isn’t really what you want, think carefully about what you want to do instead.
• Focus on internal rewards – not the expectations of others.
• Recognise that you are more than this goal. Letting go doesn’t change who you are.

Here are the signs to look out for when it’s time to quit:

Cherrish Those Funny Moments When Everything Else Appears Grey

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You sit in the car, caught in the middle of the morning traffic. You took a day off work and what you see when you look out of the window is a grey sky with rain threatening to fall any moment – or it’s just one of those days when you feel blue without any apparent reason.

Do you know how to support yourself during such moments? – preventing your thoughts from spiraling further and further down and encouraging them in the opposite direction, where there are funny, uplifting experiences and thoughts waiting to be brought back to life for you to enjoy and laugh about once again?

Some experiences are never really forgotten but have been buried in an abandoned corner of our mind, while others are easy to recall by looking at pictures, reading notes we scribbled into our notebooks or watching videos. The trick is to create a space in your mind and in your drawer dedicated to those funny moments that made you laugh and feel good. A resource you can draw on when you need some good cheering up.

Eight Steps To Positive Influence

Illustration by Ajda Gregorčič

We are persuaded by people we like

Spend time getting to know someone before asking a favour. The more they like you or feel you have something in common, the more likely they are to agree.

If you want a favour – do a favour

Do someone a good deed and they’ll want to return the favour.

First ask for something small

If you just made a good connection, don’t gamble it away by asking for too much too soon.

Stick to your commitment

Once we’ve made a commitment it’s important to our sense of self-esteem to stick to it.

How To Use Your Darker Self For Creative Endeavours

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Recently I added an article about how to recognise your darker self. The next step could be to use it’s potential for creative work. You could:

Experiment with it and write a list of things you would do if you would allow yourself to live it out to it’s full potential.

Keep a dream diary, noting the content and mood of these dreams to reveal your desires or worries.

Get creative and look for symbols that represent your shadow. Transform them into a painting, drawing or sculpture etc.

Speed write every morning, fill at least two entire pages with ideas or feelings that are hiding in your darker self.

Read also:

Positive Psychology: How To Recognise Your Darker Self

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Everyone has a dark side, but it’s nature varies between individuals. Note down your answers to these questions in the following exercise.

1. List five qualities you detest in others. Think of a specific person of the same sex who you find irritating, and list what most annoys you about them.
2. Think back to a time you were angry or reacted defensively. Pinpoint the trigger – was it something someone said or did?
3. When you were little, did you have a role or a label, such as the ‘rebellious one’, the ‘sensible one’, the ‘black sheep’? Growing up, did you act a certain way to survive? Did you stay out of people’s way, talk loudly in order to be heard? For each of these, write down what you consider to be the opposite role or behaviour.
4. Do you have dreams or  fantasies where you do things or behave in a way you find shocking or disgusting?
5. When a friend draws attention to an aspect of your character, have you ever felt angry and denied it, saying ‘that’s not like me’?
6. Do you ever have dreams where you turn up naked or dress inapproprately for an important occasion? If so, what was the context – were you on a date, at work/school, with friends or family?

Psychology Guide: Little School Of Dreaming

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In order to use our dreams for personal growth, we must be able to remember them first – and that can be learned even by individuals that haven’t remembered any of their dreams for years.

• Give yourself five to ten minutes time before you fall asleep to reinforce your intention to really get to learn more about your dreams and to be open to wake up more frequently during the night.

• Have a pen and notebook ready to immediately write down every dream that you can remember. To your subconscious this will proof your determination and helps remembering your dreams in the morning.

Be patient. You might be successful within the first couple of nights or only after a number of weeks. However, consequence is necessary if you want to succeed in the art of training your consciousness.

Read also:

Positive Psychology: How To Rescue A Friendship

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There was a time you and your friend talked for hours on end on a daily basis, then once a week, then a few times a month. You developed different interests, made new friends and before you you knew it your contact was reduced to a few times a year. How do you rescue a once equally committed friendship?

Make friendship a priority.

If this friendship really means that much to you and you are determined to revive it, you’ve got to set aside the time and make an effort.

Tell her you miss her.

Intimacy is the keystone of friendship, so tell your friend how you feel, that you miss er and don’t want to let this friendship slowly ebb away.

Positive Psychology: Focus On Understanding Each Other

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Learn to change the way you and your partner respond and react to each other, suggests Alan E Fruzzetti, author of The High-Conflict Couple.

• Practice listening, without thinking about what you are going to say next. If your partner isn’t saying what he is feeling, thinking and wanting, ask. Focus all you your energy  on understanding these things.
• Be more aware of your partner. The next time you are eating a meal together, or when you are doing things around the house, take a few moments to notice that your partner is there, eating, sitting, being together with you. Initiate small situations in which you can be together emotionally.
• Try to do something fun together each week, but also do one caring thing each day from your heart – not because you’re supposed to.
• When you initiate a conversation, practice starting out in a constructive way, being sure you communicate that you like your partner, before you go on to the substance of what you want to talk about.

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Positive Psychology: Dealing With Another Person’s Anger

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Ever been flabbergasted by someones sudden outburst of anger and didn’t know how to deal with it? Well, you are not alone and I found the following ideas by Claudia Hammond really helpful:

Don’t react straightaway.

Instead of firing back with the first thing you think of, take a moment to think about what you want to say. If you have information to give them that counters their beliefs, tell them as early as possible. Experiments have shown that new information only diffuses anger if it’s given early.

Respond assertively, not angrily.

Rather than inflaming the situation with your own accusations, keep to the golden rules of assertiveness. Acknowledge their feelings, say what you feel and state what you want to happen.

Try not to rise to every criticism.

If this is somebody who gets angry a lot, unfair as it may seem to you, they probably don’t mean everything they’re saying.

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