Eight Steps To Positive Influence

Illustration by Ajda Gregorčič

We are persuaded by people we like

Spend time getting to know someone before asking a favour. The more they like you or feel you have something in common, the more likely they are to agree.

If you want a favour – do a favour

Do someone a good deed and they’ll want to return the favour.

First ask for something small

If you just made a good connection, don’t gamble it away by asking for too much too soon.

Stick to your commitment

Once we’ve made a commitment it’s important to our sense of self-esteem to stick to it.

Positive Psychology: Focus On Understanding Each Other

Image by Mrinkk’s

Learn to change the way you and your partner respond and react to each other, suggests Alan E Fruzzetti, author of The High-Conflict Couple.

• Practice listening, without thinking about what you are going to say next. If your partner isn’t saying what he is feeling, thinking and wanting, ask. Focus all you your energy  on understanding these things.
• Be more aware of your partner. The next time you are eating a meal together, or when you are doing things around the house, take a few moments to notice that your partner is there, eating, sitting, being together with you. Initiate small situations in which you can be together emotionally.
• Try to do something fun together each week, but also do one caring thing each day from your heart – not because you’re supposed to.
• When you initiate a conversation, practice starting out in a constructive way, being sure you communicate that you like your partner, before you go on to the substance of what you want to talk about.

Read also:

Positive Psychology: Dealing With Another Person’s Anger

Image by Conrados

Ever been flabbergasted by someones sudden outburst of anger and didn’t know how to deal with it? Well, you are not alone and I found the following ideas by Claudia Hammond really helpful:

Don’t react straightaway.

Instead of firing back with the first thing you think of, take a moment to think about what you want to say. If you have information to give them that counters their beliefs, tell them as early as possible. Experiments have shown that new information only diffuses anger if it’s given early.

Respond assertively, not angrily.

Rather than inflaming the situation with your own accusations, keep to the golden rules of assertiveness. Acknowledge their feelings, say what you feel and state what you want to happen.

Try not to rise to every criticism.

If this is somebody who gets angry a lot, unfair as it may seem to you, they probably don’t mean everything they’re saying.

Read also:

Positive Psychology: How To Get Someone Talking

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Ask questions

People can feel unable to offload, especially after a crisis, but there are practical techniques that can help. Take the initiative to instigate conversations in a quiet place with minimal distractions. Try to ask open ended questions, which require more than a yes/no response. It is natural to want to fill silences, but they are important times of reflection.

Don’t assume

Resist the urge to say “I know how you feel”. We never know how another feels, only how we might feel in a similar situation. Your own experiences may seem relevant or useful, but will block the other person’s attempts to communicate. If you feel they need prompting, encourage them instead to expand on their feelings.

You know your bossy and don’t know what to do about it?

Maybe the following suggestions by the Psychologies Magazine can help you to change:

Question yourself

Reflect on why you’re bossy and what drives your behaviour. Does it hide anxiety about failure, or insecurity? Then challenge your beliefs. Whatever the underlying causes, behaviour can only be changed once you understand the reasons at the core of it.

De-catastrophise the consequences

Ask yourself, what is the worst that will happen if you don’t get your own way. Is it really the end of the world? If things are not done your way, does that mean they are completely rubbish?

Ten Ways To Improve Your Interpersonal Skills

1. Smile
2. Be appreciative
3. Pay attention to others
4. Practice active listening
5. Bring people together